How Forgiveness Works...

The majority of the people I talk to agree with me on how I have handled my parents and the abuse that they perpetrated on me.

Also, I have a wonderful life right now because of the decisions I have made regarding my birth family.

My daughter is being raised in an environment free of fear.

I find it fascinating that a small group of people seem to think that my actions towards my family is a sign that I have been unforgiving.

Most people and many experts I have talked to agree with the actions I took.

The small group of people are ignorant on how Biblical forgiveness works.

Their version of forgiveness is the woke forgiveness that saturates the culture today.

Woke forgiveness says that God forgives the whole world so we should embrace our enemies.

This is universalism. It is related to the idea that all pathways lead to heaven.

I believe that many well-meaning Christians don’t realize that they have bought into the world’s idea of forgiveness.

Universalism (all pathways lead to heaven) style of forgiveness says that one should forgive their enemies and love them flaws-and-all because that’s how Jesus loves us.

This is a “forgive and forget” mentality which is not Christian. It is a woke (all pathways lead to heaven) ideology.

Many well meaning Christians are ignorant about how Biblical forgiveness works so they adopt the permissive ideology of forgiveness.

Jesus died for the whole world. He forgave the whole world for their sins, yet, Jesus also had boundaries when he forgave his enemies.

Jesus forgave the whole world but he also created a place called Hell for those that did not love him back.

Jesus forgave everyone yet not everyone gets to go to heaven. Not everyone gets to enjoy the company of Jesus.

Jesus modeled forgiveness to us. He said to forgive everyone and also not to keep company with the unrepentant.

Jesus never asked his followers to forgive-and-forget. Ridiculous.

It’s amazing how this small ignorant group of people would have me forgive my father then embrace him (forgive and forget).

Jesus never did anything like that. Hell is eternal separation from God for the unrepentant. I say that Hell is a huge boundary.

My father was labeled by the criminal justice system. He was given a criminal record of domestic violence. The state labeled my father dangerous.

My father also was unrepentant for his crimes. I confronted him on his violent behavior and he said, “I don’t have to do nothing!” My father was blatantly unrepentant. He said that he doesn’t have to apologize to me and that he owes me nothing. He kept this attitude through to his death.

I would be a fool to “forgive and forget” a man that violently assaulted me as a child countless times.

He threatened me when I was older that he would hurt me if I mentioned anything about the abuse again.

My siblings may say that he was safe but I know that they never appropriately confronted him. He violently abused everyone in our family.

I have forgiven my father, however, I did not forget. If I forgave my father the way some of these ignorant Christians would have me… then I would have forgiven him and continued to subject myself to spending time with an unrepentant, violent man. That would make me a fool and disobedient to God.

The people that say they forgave my father and continued to keep company with him are fools. They know my father is a violent man yet they kept company with him. I believe their own sins blind them to their foolishness.

They refused to reject my father because they didn’t want to deal with the sin in their own lives. They are a part of the problem in the world not the solution.

The people that knew my father was violent and did not hold my father accountable and embraced him to the end are guilty of covering up his crimes. They protected Larry and abandoned the children that he abused.

Some of those children insist that they have forgiven their father and that Ben is unforgiving. Again… They would have the progressive view of forgiveness. Why? Because confronting your abuser is scary work. The only path forward for the brave is through the middle of the problem.

It’s easy to forgive and forget because it doesn’t require you to change. Forgive and forget avoids sanctification. Sanctification is the process of becoming more like Jesus. The only path to Sanctification is to do the hard thing. The hard thing is to forgive and hold accountable the people that hurt you.

If my father had repented then I would have a different story. If my father apologized and moved to repair the relationships that he damaged then I would have embraced him. That is a long and arduous path that few take.

I have a wonderful life now because I rejected my father’s evil.

I confronted him years ago and he threatened to violently hurt me if I brought up what he did again. I left him and had nothing to do with him.

My life is good and I am happy. By rejecting the people that abused me and those that protected my abuser I have created a healthy environment for myself and my family.

I am proud of the hard work I have done and I have peace about my actions. I have prayed for my siblings that they would hold the people accountable in their lives that have harmed them. They humiliate themselves by condemning me and embracing those that harmed them. They aren’t being forgiving towards our parents… they are being weak and permissive.

My daughter is 10 years old and soon to be 11. Her life has been bully free for all 10 of those years. I don’t allow mean people in my life and that protects my family.

Those that embraced my father until his end are guilty of protecting a child abuser and a wife beater who was unrepentant. You are a part of the problem in the world.

I forgive everyone who embraced my father but I will not forget because I need to keep healthy people in my life and avoid bad people.

1 Corinthians 15:33

“Don’t fool yourselves; Bad company corrupts good character.”

I have a beautiful family. My family loves and respects me. I have earned their love. I love my Lord dearly. I am proud of the work I have done and I am closer to Jesus.

I have grown tremendously in my lifetime. God bless you and keep you safe. Please don’t let anyone be mean to you without there being consequences. Forgive but also hold those accountable that hurt you. Clear up your relationships. You are made in the image of God.

Benjamin Dever 😎❤️✝️